Painting the Office

I have an awesome boss. She said on the one day of Christmas break I needed to work I could paint my office.

There was even paint in the back room I could use if I wanted.


I also have awesome friends. Who came from far and wide to hang out and help paint my office.


They made me laugh.


And kept things interesting.

We cranked up the music and danced the paint on...


As previously mentioned..

Hopefully once I get it all back together I will be able to post a picture or two of the finished project. Thanks again guys! It would have been butt without you...

Christmas

This Christmas season has been more than a little interesting for me. It has been my first Christmas season spent away from my family, the first Christmas at Compass, and the first time I have had actual 'time off' for the holiday.

Christmas at Compass was nothing short of amazing. It started by going caroling in North Omaha with a group from Christ Community. Walking around at night in these neighborhoods is less than advised, and walking around singing Christmas carols, knocking on doors, giving gifts and praying for people is far, far from normal. It was incredible to watch how God brought us to just the right house at just the right time, to see families come together to pray, wipe away tears from strangers who just lost a loved one, and watch a teenage girl come out of her shell and march boldly to each door with a grin and "Merry Christmas!" on her lips. Christmas is not always a happy time for many of our Compass kids. Some of them don't have anything, others are without parents or siblings due to the violence in this neighborhood. Last week I had the privilege of helping put together and deliver Christmas gifts to them. It has to go down as the best day at work to date... The smiles, the hugs, the little girls we met across the street we were able to give gifts to; it is no wonder Jesus said it is more blessed to give than receive. My heart filled to the brim, overflowed and still was bubbling when we got back to Compass.


As previously mentioned, this was also my first Christmas with actual 'time off'. I planned to come home the afternoon after I got off work, but as my last day came to a close I couldn't put it off any longer. I packed my dirty laundry with me and made tracks for home as fast as I could go. The family welcomed me with a "dance in the dark by glowlight bracelets", which was about as awesome a homecoming as one could wish for. I have decided time off that I get to spend at home is the best gift ever... We don't really have any Christmas traditions, other than we always do something interesting. From giant pillow fights to making donuts to starting additions to grouting a shower, we have always done something a little different than most on Christmas. This year I connived a few people into going on a 5 mile run/walk. I have been wanting to run on my old 'track' and I knew we could all use the endorphins... This is us, right after I burst through the door with a "Oh yeah, baby!!!" Side note: next year I am going to remember to eat regularly for at least 3 days beforehand though, so I don't have to tell Benjy what to do with me in case I actually pass out...

Spending this season away from my family has made for some highly pleasant surprises when I came home. One of the most enjoyable of which was the way these two young men stepped up and said they would do the after Christmas dinner dishes. Someone is doing something right, they are turning into gentlemen right before my eyes. Thanks again, guys!! A real man is one who is not afraid of dishpan hands any more than he is afraid of oil and grease...

This Christmas season has been a difficult one for me personally. God has asked me to do some painful things. I have cried more tears than normal for the holidays. A year ago I prayed asking God to teach me to love radically, recklessly, and with abandon. When we ask God to work on our hearts and then follow through with letting Him, He spares no expense. He does work. This year I learned a lot about loving radically, recklessly, and with abandon in a lot of different situations. None of which I could have imagined when I prayed that prayer a year ago. I learned a lot of things about love, one of which is that love comes with pain. In a dark moment a few days ago, the thought crossed my mind that love equals pain. But then a realization slowly grew into my mind. Love does not equal pain. Pain does indeed come with love, and the more deeply we love the more deeply we hurt. But love triumphs over pain. The more that I thought about it, the more I realized that is what God was saying on that first Christmas all those years ago. The world is a broken, hurting place. We feel pain when we love because of the fallenness of where we live. God looked down on this messed up, hurting world and gave the greatest gift ever. Love. And Love was greater than the pain. We feel pain when we love, when we hate, when we try our best, and when we don't even care. But God redeems pain with love. He takes our broken pieces, and if we let Him, shines through the busted places with His light in a way He couldn't before we were broken. Love is greater than pain. I know Christmas is supposed to be the happy, family, cheer and joy holiday. But I also personally know several people spending today without the people they love for one reason or another, and the pain filling their hearts is real. Nothing I write here can make it go away. But as a good friend of mine once said, God, not time or anything else, is what heals. It is just another way of saying the same thing. Love. Is. Greater. Than. Pain. No matter what your pain might be this Christmas, I pray you are able to look to the Love that is greater. Merry Christmas!

It's a Girls Night Out

There is something of a long standing "Girl's Night Out" tradition. As in, every once in a while we get as many of us together as we can and go shopping, walking, talking, taking pictures, and well, having a good time.

This time we got lucky. We had the whole gang together at once! My little apartment did not know what to do with so many people in it...


Trying on hats is always a crowd pleaser. As in, we enjoy it and the crowd that forms to watch us is also pleased...

One can only wonder why...

In addition to checking out the awesome Christmas lights in downtown and an incredible photo gallery, we had time to stop in and pet the furs.

And try on more hats. This leather ball cap begged me to take it home and out to NASCAR. I told it it was better off waiting for someone with enough money to both take it home and then take it to NASCAR.

No worries people, she is just touching a $8999.00 coat... Nothing to be surprised about at all... Thanks girls for a fun evening out! My place, pizza, more movies and shopping (and hats) again anytime, okay?

How it Happened...

Three years ago I started on a little project...

My family helped a lot...


First, there was an awful lot of this. And by a lot, I mean a lot. Just ask my family who was helping me...

Then there was this...

Followed by this...

And finally this!

Which was cause for this...

And there you have it!! Well, for anyone considering getting their BA online in three years I suppose I should warn you there might be a little more to it than this, but this is the main idea... Please join me in celebrating by eating ice cream, responsibly... :D

Weekend with the Aunties

While her Mommy and Daddy celebrated their second anniversary, Caroline came to spend the weekend with her Aunties in Omaha. They were more than delighted to have her.

It just so happened that the day she came was the first snowfall of the year. She was enthralled with the fluffy white stuff.

Her Aunties made sure she was well fed and given a lesson or two in proper etiquette.

They also took her for a walk in the snow to No Frills to buy cranberries for Auntie Hills' Christmas tree.


And let her help decorate it when we got back...

She was introduced to Clara Belle, Auntie Hills' doll that has charmed countless little girls over the years.

Bottom line, it was a blast. Thanks for coming to visit your Aunties, Caroline! You are welcome back any time!

A Musing On Love (Disclaimer, somewhat long winded and rather honest).

It had not really been a hard day. In fact, nothing about the day stands out in my memory as bad, hard, unpleasant or otherwise cause to come home anything less than cheerful. The one thing about the day that does stand out is sliding my key into the number 14 mailbox and opening it to find a fat white envelope with the return address of home. I never got through my door so fast and my purse and keys were on the table almost before my feet hit the kitchen floor. I ripped the envelope open pulling the pile of letters into my greedy hands. Belly flopping on my bed, I unfolded the first one to see handwriting I had spent 6 years coaching. In the next 10 minutes while I read them each over and over, a flood of emotions overwhelmed me. Euphoria at hearing from home made my heart dance. The ache of missing the little hands that had carefully copied, “Emily, I love you very much” onto manuscript paper stung as tears overflowed down my cheeks. With each correctly spelled word, properly worded sentence, and beautifully curved letter, pride swelled in my chest. As I lay there on my bed, head resting on what had suddenly become the six most precious papers in the whole world, I could not help but wonder a little about my reactions. Just a few minutes before it had been a perfectly normal day. One envelope later and I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions, an onslaught I had not dreamed of before opening the number 14 mailbox. What was this? In actuality, I did not have to wonder. I knew what it was. While this was the first time I had hungrily devoured letters from home, laughing and crying the whole time, I knew the familiar feelings of euphoria, ache, and pride. This was none other than the ever clever love.

It was dark in North Omaha. Not the time you want to be out by yourself walking if you are a skinny white girl like me, or pretty much anyone who does not really know what they are doing in North Omaha at night. I was not walking; I was driving Alejandro to the library to pick up the latest Newberry I had my eye on crossing off my list. But my mind was not on The Westing Game, or the fact that it was night, or even the road. I was thinking about my Compass kids. I am only getting to know them, but as I hear bits and pieces of their stories, my heart is broken over and over by what they have seen and live with. A feeling of inadequacy flooded my heart as I contemplated one student’s life situation. There was so much she was facing, so much pain and brokenness and lies and struggle. How could I ever dream of making a difference? Frustration joined inadequacy as I realized that I only get a few hours a week with the kids, but even if I had all the time in the world there was no way I could make everything right for them. Their lives will always bear the scars of the sinful world around them, just like everyone else. Suddenly God spoke into my heart. Softly He whispered, “Have I asked you to make their lives right? Or have I simply asked you to love them in the opportunities I give you?”

The letters are on my headboard. Every time I see them up there I feel a spark of all the emotions I felt when I first opened them. Sometimes I lay in my bed trying to fall asleep thinking about the smiles that used to greet me every morning and long for ways to be able to love them more. As I open folders at Compass and read what each of my Compass kids did the day before during tutoring I realize I feel a spark of those same feelings. Happiness. Pride. And the ever present ache to be able to do more, invest, make difference, to truly love.

Love is a strange thing. It fills you up and bleeds you dry all in the same breath. It makes you care about things and people you never would have dreamed would mean anything to you. It drives me to my knees where I wind up begging God to give me more of it. In the Bible there is a story about a widow who gave two copper coins to the offering to upkeep the temple. It was kind of like donating two pennies towards keeping Saint Cecilia’s beautiful. Yet, when people made fun of her, Jesus said one of the most beautiful things in scripture. He said she had given more than anyone else, because instead of giving out of her wealth, she had given everything she had. Sometimes I feel like that widow in my attempts to love. How can I ever hope to help anything with the pittance I have to offer? The widow could have looked at the enormous amount to be done and thought, “My coins won’t make a difference. There is no reason to even give them.” But she didn’t. She bothered to give what most people would not even pick up out of the gutter and was commended for it. Like the widow I am faced with a choice. Giving all you have, even when that is only two cents, is painful. It makes you vulnerable. It means anything could happen and you have no control over it anymore. Like, none. Zip. Nada. I can pour my heart and soul out for the kids at Compass and there will still be senseless shootings, robberies, broken families, and a world of pain in North Omaha. My heart can ache to the fullest intensity it has ever known for the ones I love I left behind and it won’t change the fact that while I love them I can’t always be there for them. From that perspective, love is really a waste of time. It hurts. It costs more than anyone one in their right mind wants to pay. And often it does not appear to accomplish anything. Appear. Jesus did not say the widow had given more than anyone because her gift was sufficient for repaving the floor of the temple with gold. It was because of how it reflected her heart. She gave all she had. When I love I won’t transform North Omaha into heaven. I won’t keep my siblings from missing me. But I will give all I have. And I will never be the same once I do.

Four Whole Days Off

Thanksgiving is a great holiday. It not only meant 4 whole days off, a trip home, getting to see almost all my siblings, lots of awesome food, but a whole weekend afterwards with a great pal coming to visit me. More about that later...

We spread out the Thanksgiving meal responsibilities this year. I wrote the plan. Here you see a 'menu', a 'plan', and a 'list'. And Babar the elephant in a hot air balloon times three.

That became this.... (Except Babar).

The turkeys. That is right, we have now grown to needing to cook two turkeys. As you will recall from last year, we name our turkeys for Thanksgiving and it is a high honor to have them named after you. If you want to know what they were named this year, you will have to ask Sarah... She named them... :D

An almost full table. There were a few faces missing because they were in Afghanistan and Seattle...

Saying goodbye and heading home is inevitable, but when good friends come to cheer you up it is worth it. It also helps if one of these friends are as big of fans of Chinese food as you are and you happen to have coupons to a China Buffet two minutes from your apartment.

It also helps if these friends have a love affair with beautiful churches like you do and will go look at them with you.

But what is really awesome is if these friends will help you finish your room sprucing up projects. I had this idea back while student teaching and while it evolved a little once I started on it, I love how it turned out. And I could not have finished it without Hillary and Naomi's help!

Trying to pretend I know what I am doing....

And the finished product!! It makes my room so much cheerier! Thank you to everyone who made it an awesome four days off. You know you are blessed when you look forward to your time off and going back to work...

Shopping

I have been living in Omaha for a little over 2 weeks now. I still can’t get over the fact that there is a grocery store, one with a bank inside it no less, only a minute from my apartment. One of my personal goals for the next few months is to gain back the five pounds I lost while student teaching, so I frequent No Frills on my way home from work every few days. The parking lot is always half full at 7 o’clock in the evening and I park in the middle. My coat is still zipped to my chin from the short trek between Compass and my car, so I drop my keys into my purse and slide into the cold. I hit the lock button on my way out. It aggravates me a little each time I lock my car, just like I were some city slicker, but I promised everyone I would be safe and not stupid. Somehow I feel like I am betraying my trust in mankind when the lock on my car shows how little trust I have, but beating up a hobo who decided to camp in my backseat or losing my precious car radio are not good options either. So the grain of sand rubs a little against the skin of my heart and grows into what I hope will one day be a pearl of something beautiful from these ashes we live in.

The tinkle of bells greets my ears as I scurry across the parking lot. I hear everything. The Salvation Army bell ringers. The women yelling obscenities at each other in front of the hair salon. The sirens wailing down Saddle Creek. The banging of car doors and resonating thump of subwoofers. Somehow it all blends together with each sound distinctly penetrating my consciousness. As I smile at the young man, bundled to the ears while ringing the Salvation Army bells, I can’t help but wonder if the women yelling sound like his mother or sisters to him. I wonder if I know the song the thumping subwoofers are playing. I think of Rosie and how she prays every time she sees an ambulance or hears a siren and with a wry smile I note that around here she would never stop praying.

Like everyone else, I half rush, half loiter my way through the store. At times I know what I am looking for and march straight for it. At other times I saunter, watching the other shoppers as much as the aisle signs. I pass a young couple discussing shrimp. He is an expert and she believes it. I can see his self-esteem bloom right there in the frozen aisle. An ebony face smiles patiently at me from behind the deli counter. While he is weighing out my sliced turkey he asks me how my day is going. When I applaud him for getting exactly 1.02 pounds on the first try he almost blushes. As he wraps it up he says he is thankful for being out of the cold and that today is warmer than yesterday. He smiles a fatherly smile when he wishes me a good evening. I had hoped to be cheerful and make his day, but I knew as I walked toward the checkout he had made mine. Lowell is my cashier. It must be the day for talkative people. I ask how he is and he replies, “Just getting ready for a very interesting holiday season.” The way he drags out the ‘e’s in ‘interesting’ suddenly make me think of Long Island. “What is going to be so interesting about it?” I query. “Oh, Honey, family will be involved. That is always interesting…” I am still chuckling when I wish a good night to the bell ringer.

Every scent assaults my nostrils on my way to the car. Burning rubber from the street, exhaust, a whiff of cologne, the fabric softener from the laundry mat, an inundating amount of sesame oil from the Chinese take-out. I am craving Chinese food but the smell of that much sesame oil keeps me from ordering. Looking down at me from 6 blocks east is Saint Cecilia’s. A pale orange glow reflects off her white stone steeples emanating a sense of peace and watchfulness reminding me that God does see everything that happens in this city. I slip my keys into the driver’s door and the grain of sand rubs just the tiniest bit. These are all people. People like me, who want to go home to a happy place, pay their bills, eat their dinner, and be at peace. I lock the doors of my car to them, but the doors of my heart are starting to realize there is far more to open than I dreamed. The smile behind the deli counter, the laughter at the checkout, the little fingers intertwining with mine at Compass 20 minutes before, the women in the parking lot, the subwoofers, the man I didn’t see but whose cologne I smelled. Humanity. God loves them all and I am left with the question, how in every situation He gives me, how can I?

Weekend in Review

While I went home for a few hours to take care of some paperwork stuff and get Hillary's sewing machine during the week we were settling in, this weekend was my first actual 'visit' back home after moving. Let's just say that my smile got bigger with every mile of wide open cornfields I drove past...

It was great to spend time reading stories, talking, watching Psych (thanks again, Naomi!), giving and getting massages, etc...


We celebrated Benjamin's birthday while I was home. The kids spent several hours the day before making paper chains to hang up as decoration. All I can say is I hope I get to go home for my birthday too so we can hang them up again!!


This was taken right before he started laughing and blew out all the candles but one... I have not laughed so hard during a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday" in a long time...


The birthday boy being so kind as to model his new Urban Outfitter's shirt with his, well I guess I am still older even if I am no longer bigger, sis.


In addition to being Benjamin's birthday, this weekend was the wedding of some good friends of mine. I told everyone these two were some of the most creative people I know, so expect big things from the wedding. It was gorgeous.


I had the official title of "Dish Manager" and soaked up every minute of my reign. I also got to work in the kitchen with the professional chefs catering the meal. Talk about culinary inspiration. They were amazing!

All good things must come to an end, including washing-dishes-after-parties and weekends at home. I drug it out until 3 am, but eventually it was time... Happy birthday, Benjamin, and congratulations Sam and Nicole!

Little Things

Sometimes the littlest things in life can be beautiful. It all depends on whether or not you chose to notice them. Here are a few "little" things that have made me smile in the last few days.

1). Getting to see this every time I walk out of the apartment at night. I still can't get over how beautiful it is. I might add that exploring this beautiful building also makes me smile...


2). Turkey cookies, all made with love by a sweet lady for the kids at Compass.

3). Artistic Kleenex boxes.


4). Brownies. Made on a fall evening. Almost completely devoured in 20 minutes with good friends. And the little leftover scraps made me happy the next day as well...

5). Long jeans. Laugh if you must, but if you have spent much time around me at all you have probably heard me complain about not being able to get long enough jeans. Hence, when I do find some, they make me very happy.

So there you have it. Life is full of things that stink, but I am doing my best to celebrate all the ones that don't stink, no matter how seemingly insignificant. :D What little things made you smile today?